IDIOT OF THE DAY

Making a triumphant return after a little hiatus, the glorified endearment, "Idiot of the Day", is back and for the time being in full throttle.

Our dignified idiot is none other than Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

This moronic member of the female gender got caught  exaggerating an event in Bosnia. She claimed she was under fire, running scared with her head down to avoid sniper fire. And there was a video published afterwards that proved that story wrong.

She also came out uttering more divisive and unloyal banter by saying pledged delegates don't have a gun to their heads in reference to who they cast their vote for. They can switch apparently! Whether that is true or not, what are you trying to say? This woman consistently pushes for a brokered convention that will take the vote out of the hands of the people and into the hands of the elitists.

And that contradicts her speeches that underline her continued persistence in this race-- that people in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and other states "deserve a voice".

Clinton is spinning things as if she were a professional disc jockey. She lacks integrity and continuity. She forced Sen. Barack Obama's hand by bringing up race and forcing him to address it. She claims he isn't fit to be President, but he could pass the "litmus test" by being her Vice President.

Well, she passed my litmus test for intelligence.

Reaction to MMQB

In today's posting of Monday Morning Quarterback on SI.com, Peter King explained that this year's draft will allow for a lot of trades and movement within the first five or six selections. That is quite a situation. Trades are hard enough to pull off in the NFL and to think teams will move up to the top five and pay hordes of guaranteed money is not a tough buy, but a tough sell.

But King does it well. He lays out team needs, and that is really the x-factor. Teams like the Falcons and Dolphins have to address so many issues, how can they determine one pick overvalues, say, three additional picks.

The New York Jets, for example, "choosing sixth, 36th and 67th. Mike Tannenbaum has been most influenced in his career by two men -- Parcells and VP Scott Pioli of the Patriots. Both hate to stand pat. Tannenbaum knows he's got holes to fill at receiver, pass-rusher and corner, and he knows if he could get two first-day picks that are high enough to make it worth his while, he'd be smart to do so."

Humbug.

The difference between the Jets and others is the impact one player can make. The Jets have always traded down, received the extra picks (hello, William Parcells), and done its best to build a team through the draft.

But the players that can fall to them are extraordinary. Chris Long (unlikely), Jake Long (more unlikely), Vernon Ghostlon (I'm drooling), and Darren McFadden (I have cotton mouth).

The Jets may be foolish to trade down. Gholston blitzing weakside while Calvin Pace covers strong side with Shaun Ellis is frightening for many teams. It makes the Jets bigger and more athletic on defense-- something we haven't seen from Gang Green in years.

Or maybe, just maybe, McFadden falls to the Jets. He's an electifying player that brings excitement to this offense-- something we haven't seen, since, well, ever. The Jet have always been boring, mundane, rough n tumble, ugly to watch, and sometimes, down right pathetic on both sides of the ball.

Trading down may give you more options. But standing pat, and grabbing a Gholston or a McFadden makes you an immediate danger to your opponent. And that is too valuable.

Revisiting the Bracket

I picked Pittsburgh and Georgetown to make it out of their respective brackets on this blog.

I'm sorry.

Not only was I wrong, but I'm still doing well in another bracket in which I picked Stanford and Wisconsin in those brackets instead!

Pittsburgh lost because Michigan State had too much fire, too much intensity. The Panthers were outmatched by Drew Neitzel and Kalin Lucas. The Spartans didn't go to the line much as Pittsburgh wasn't in foul trouble. They did out rebound Pittsburgh but not by an overwhelming amount. They minimized Pittsburgh's second-chance points, and played stellar perimeter defense (Pitt was 2 for 17 from 3-point range).

Georgetown lost because, well, Stephen Curry is just sick nasty. He took over in the second half again, and the Hoyas had no answer and no go-to-guy. Was that supposed to be Roy Hibbert? Maybe. But if he is your go-to-guy, how can you expect to win when he scores 6 points? To be competitive you need at least one scoring threat to handle a game, and the Hoyas were lacking that presence.

So, uh, go Stanford and Wisconsin!

Good For You Mr. Poorman

You would think after being the head coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions football teams since before the start of the Triassic period (yeah, that's when dinosaurs ruled the planet for you degenerates who never pick up a book) Joe Paterno would get the street-cred he deserves. Well, after over 180 million years of pouring his blood, sweat and tears into one of the most respected college football programs in the country, an academic class, yes, an actual class that students can and will receive credits for, is being dedicated to JoePa.

After years of trying to get the class approved by the communist academic leaders at Penn State, Sports-Journalism Professor, Mike Poorman, has finally received the green-light for an academic class revolving around the legendary coach titled "Joe Paterno, Communications and The Media." Contrary to popular belief, the class will not be an open forum for hungover frat boys to argue and debate about which Nittany Lions team was the best or which PSU linebacker had the best career in Happy Valley. Instead, the class will focus on new technologies and how various sources of information have affected the evolution of modern-day sports-journalism. And yes, it will be a great place to meet very delicious-looking sorority girls.

I love the idea of this class, which will be offered starting in the fall of 2008, but my only concern is the grading system. Here's an idea... forget about the old-fashioned scantron tests and get rid of the essay tests that require you to write like a 5th grader in those little blue books. I propose that each student has to translate JoePa's previous week's post-game conference onto a blank sheet of paper. I haven't quit figured it out yet, but listening to JoePa behind the microphone is similar to listening to a drunken Rocky Balboa recite the constitution.

Ranking the Best Underdog movies

In perusing the Internet not that long ago (and by not that long ago I mean, five minutes into work), I came across a photo gallery of 23 of the Best Underdog movies ever. While some I disagree with some even being mentioned, i.e. Dodgeball, overall it touched on most of the movies we associate with perseverance in sports cinema, a.k.a. The Only Situation in Which a Man Will Lower His Guard movie.

Five movies stood out to me as real winners, real emotionally moving pictures. They typify what it means to be an underdog. It is every guy’s dream to be apart of these thrillers. Watching the climatic finale, you get this chill that works its way up your spine to your eyeballs.

"I’m not crying, there’s this stupid eyelash that is bothering me just as they score. It’s so great."

5. Major League
Very few sports movies actually capture sport in its most realistic form. Miracle did, as they hired hockey players to be actors. Little Big League, an underrated film also incorporated realism and fundamental ball playing. However, Charlie Sheen’s Major League was a far cry from emulating athleticism. Sheen actually was a high-school pitcher, but Chelcie Ross as Eddie Harris was too goofy and awkward for a major league pitcher. And Corbin Bernsen as the vain Roger Dorn was too stiff to resemble a master of the hot corner. But even still, the humor, the theatrics and the dynamics of each character made this movie great. With their climb from the cellar to the top was hackneyed and cliché. But their road was as entertaining as every Bob Uecker line.

4. Karate Kid
Who wouldn’t root for a New York kid immigrating to a California school? Who wouldn’t root for a kid to get back at the crew of bullies after tormenting him? Who wouldn’t root for a young kid trying to overcome social inequities to work out a relationship with a girl that likes him? Who wouldn’t root for Pat Morita?!!?!

Nuff said.

3. Rocky
It’s hard not to root for a good-hearted meathead who wants to pursue a life outside of the norm. Mr. Balboa tries to woo the soft-spoken Adrian, and you want to see that work. You want to see Mr. Balboa do well. He trains like the rustic he is; punching large carcasses of meat in a freezer and running up steps of town hall. And in the end, he loses, but gains something more, and that’s the definition of the underdog.

2. Hoosiers
Crazy turns and aspects of this movie help make Hoosiers one of the ultimate classic underdog stories. Massive underdogs throughout the film, Hickory overcomes so many obstacles to just get to the championship. Manager Ollie MacFarlane free throw shots underhand, a rebellious coach gaining favor in an unforgiving town, drunkard Shooter Flatch having to coach a game, and winning games by the smallest of margins. Best part? Enterting Butler Fieldhouse, Gene Hackman goes straight to the basket while his team is staring around in awe. He measures the basket as 10 feet, making it feel no different than its own gym.

1. Rudy
The best sports movie ever, hands down. Nothing can describe how moving this movie is. You get drawn in to this proverbial underdog and feel misery, yet hope the entire time. One quote embodies the entire movie:

"You're five feet nothin'. 100 and nothin'. And you got hardly a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in with the best college football team in the land for two years. And you're also gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this lifetime, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody except yourself. And after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen. Now go on back…"

Mr. E's Final Four

I’m about to break down the road to the Final Four in simple terms— it’s a formula that involves certain variables, such as numbers, experience, and confidence.

Prepare to eat your heart out Joe Lunardi.

Now, some may say that momentum is only as good as your next game, which I agree to some extent. However, I don’t believe in momentum. But I do believe in confidence, and that is why I will start with the Southland Bracket.

South: I was never a fan of Memphis. I think they are quite overrated, despite being exceptionally talented. You cannot win ball games in this tournament setting when you turn the ball over and have poor free throw shooting. And with an up-tempo type team like Memphis running up and down the floor, I don’t see how they can minimize these faults. Texas is a very good team, but I don’t like their road to the Final Four. I think they can get upended by Stanford in the Sweet 16, and how can a team that boasted the best collegiate player a year ago win it without him this year? My pick? Pittsburgh. They have the right type of players, good free throw shooting, the confidence (after winning the Big East Tournament Championship), and the experience (the aforementioned tourney tour).

West: Very soft bracket out West. UCLA as the No. 1 is an undeterred, yet flawed pick. Purdue is a possible sleeper with the talent they have, but they are far too young. The Boilermakers are poised for serious contention in a year or so. The Dukies are on everyone’s radar because, well they are Duke, but at the same time under appreciated. They have the talent, the coach, and the experience to poise a threat to the Bruins. But they really have trouble against a team that can bang it inside, and hurt you underneath the basket. With Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Kevin Love, I think UCLA cruises to the Final Four.

East: I will begin by saying this: If Indiana hadn’t given up on the season, they would have been a nice sleeper pick for the Final Four. As it stands, they have neither the heart nor the mental energy to endure a long trip through the Big Dance. Consider it a shame D.J. White and his Hoosiers will never make the run they deserve. Including Indiana, the East is jam-packed with candidates for the big prize. Tennessee is a great team with unparalleled talent and superb coaching. However, they fell off the horse in Vanderbilt (I think a key example to this team’s flaws) and in the SEC Tournament. Poor free-throw shooting does them in the Sweet 16. The team that beats them to go to the Elite Eight is Louisville. Arguably the best coach in the land today, Louisville seemed to put together a high quality team once David Padgette returned from injury. But can he hold up? I don’t think so, especially considering a potential match-up against the Vols could be draining. My pick? It’s gotta be North Carolina. They are No. 1 in the country for a reason. They have athleticism, depth, coaching, confidence, and experience. They are the perennial package. They don’t have an easy road but Lawson, Hansbrough, Ellington and Green are too much for anyone.

Midwest: A very unassuming bracket with a few teams that got shafted in the seeding process. Kansas as the No. 1 is a great team. Arthur and Rush are two phenomenal players that can take any team to the dance. But, not this year. I like Clemson to upend them in the Sweet 16. The Tigers have a lot of balance on the offensive end and they are riding a stream of confidence into the NCAA Tournament. They proved their meddle against Duke, and lost another close bout to North Carolina. The "wise" committee screwed Wisconsin by giving the outright Big Ten Champion Badgers a No. 3 seed. I like their style of play, tenacious defense countered by gritty offensive. They do not sit still in the offensive zone always looking for open looks. I think Georgetown can pull away from Wisconsin because of their versatility inside, and Butch doesn’t match well against Hibbert. Georgetown also has the defensive tenacity it shut down Clemson, en route to the Final Four.

North Carolina over Georgetown: Despite a potential coming out party for Hibbert this year, the Hoyas are overmatched by the Tar Heels and their inside-outside scoring potential.

Pittsburgh over UCLA: I like the upset here— Pittsburgh is riding high through the tournament, mix of athletic big men in Blair and Young can outwork Love and Co. I thought UCLA has had a soft run all year, playing in an overrated Pac-10 Conference and running through an easy West Bracket. UCLA should’ve lost a few times when they pulled out a win, thanks to officiating or other divine elements. Pittsburgh wins close.

North Carolina over Pittsburgh: Another championship game, another blowout. The miracle run for the Panthers ends in San Antonio. Once again, the Tar Heels are too much for their opponent and despite the hustling Pittsburgh bunch, Hanbrough runs through freshman Blair and Ellington and Green dominate the perimeter. Roy Williams wins his second.

A Boycotting Beantown

The Boston Red Sox were on the verge of boycotting their last spring training game today against the Toronto Blue Jays and their trip to Japan to open up the Major League Baseball season if their coaching and training staffs weren't awarded the $40,000 stipend they were "promised".

After reaching a deal for an undisclosed amount, the Sox took the field an hour late, leaving fans left to sit on their hands while they agreed to terms.

Kudos to the Red Sox for looking out for the staffs that keep them healthy and on their game.

Shame on them for choosing the wrong approach.

They are the product of the players' association, so this is no surprise. But instead of boycotting the event, where fans paid good money to see these primadona athletes play, they should have refused their stipend. It has a much stronger meaning.

Instead of saying, "I got paid, let them get paid, or I will leave thousands of fans with empty pockets watching the Oakland Athletics shag flyballs for two days," puff up your chest and make a stronger statement.

They should've said, "Fuck you. I won't take a paycheck for this important trip for baseball. I will still go, win both these ballgames, and throw this ripped up check in your face."

Rockets Run Out of Fuel

Dikembe Mutombo and the Houston Rockets had their 22-game win streak snapped by an overpowering Boston Celtic team last night, 94-74. It was the second longest winning streak in the Association's history.

Statistics of note: Mutombo since being activated for the 22-game winning streak averaged 2.5 points per game, 6.6 rebounds per game, and 2.1 blocks per game.

"Who wants to sex Mutombo?"

IDIOT OF THE DAY

After the March Madness storm cleared and real (or we're accustomed to) stories rolled out on the websites, one in particular caught my eye.

"MLBPA will examine why Barry Bonds is still jobless"

Why is No. 25 sans team?

Could it be the impending indictments for perjury? Or the cartilageless knees that cause severe ache and strain on the rest of his 40-year plus body? Or maybe it is the lightning rod persona of Bar-roid (as New York WFAN's talk show host Steve Summers so eloquently coins him)?

No. It has got to be some conspiracy made by the collective owners in Major League Baseball prohibiting the steroid era poster boy from fostering a roster spot on a big league team.

The bumbling fools at baseball's players' association are "investigating" Bonds' unemployment? I'm laughing.

The MLBPA are choc full of morons. That is a given. They are a coniving bunch of she-devils that convinced the paying fans that owners are ruining the game, and the sanctity of a players institution is both infallible and right. It isn't so.

They have been a well of lies and deceit. Season ticket holders, I implore you to discover your ticket increases since 1994 strike, the most recent significant work stoppage. And steroid use just hurt the game, but pumped up the paychecks and the ticket prices.

But even after all their moronic stands and stupid quotes, do they honestly believe Bonds is deserving a roster spot on any team? Excuse me, any team that has integrity?

Sure the Rays of Tampa need a splurge in ticket sales. And a dying franchise like, oh I don't know, the Pittsburgh Pirates would never be hurt financially from an acquisition of Bonds. But it's not hard to see.

The man is a pest-- he is divisive in the clubhouse, a lightning rod for the media, and nothing more than a gimic. It has already been said, but this is an example of their stupidity. Major League Baseball Players' Association are just dragging a few dufflebags packed with morons into their New York office day in and day out.

Losers!

New Tag Team?

According to Life and Style Weekly, actress Angelina Jolie & her family are staying at a Texas area home owned by WWE superstar Undertaker for her next film, "Tree of Life." The report claims that "During their stay in Texas, the family is renting a Cedar Creek ranch, owned by the pro wrestler." Jolie is traveling with her four children and Brad Pitt as well. Paul Bearer was unavailable for comment.

See why can't we have more Hollywood stars become friends with WWE superstars?

Coincidence or not, but Undertaker is tentatively scheduled to face Brad Pitt in an inferno, casket, hell in a cell match at Summerslam.

New Governor's Affairs

New York certainly has its fair share of playboys.

Former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani and recently disposed governor Eliot Spitzer have had their extramarital flings despite early praise and success. But it was a secret for both men, and during the tenures in office.

However, new New York Gov. David Paterson admitted on the day of his inauguration that both himself and his wife engaged in affairs during a rough patch in their marriage.

As a result, no pundit would be able to question this man on his experience from here on out.

IDIOT OF THE DAY

Nothing screams quality television like when Bob Knight awkwardly stares into the camera after an innocuous statement by the eccentric Dick Vitale.

Classic televsion.

It makes you wonder, though, how many brain lightbulbs are flickering in his dome-shaped mellon. Vitale is cliche. He is energetic. And he's a great ambassador for the game.

But he is also a moron.

Bob Knight does not want to be humiliated on television. Watching The General talk about basketball, dissect the game on a live feed, and be somewhat redundant is great for the game. It's a new element.

Vitale, however, took advantage of his air-time to put Knight and ESPN in an awkward situation. Knight perceptively stares toward the camera with a bewildered, yet astonished look on his face. He leans in wishing he cleaned his ears more thoroughly this morning. His demeanor reads, "Is he really saying this? Is Dick that stupid?"

Vitale goes on to say (and I paraphrase), Indiana should hire Knight again as coach, that Bloomington needs The General back.

Talk about sitting Knight over a water tank, and Vitale wielding a 90 mph ball, hitting the bulls-eye, sending Knight plummeting into the frigid, algae-infested drink.

Vitale's stupid rant may make Robert Montgomery realize that this gig isn't up his alley.

Vitale may make Knight's first trip to ESPN as an analyst a potential last trip.

March Sadness

Yes, March Madness is upon us, but which dancing teams are suffering from the sadness:

Indiana: If that miracle game-winning shot from Minnesota wasn't a big enough kick in the junk, the Hoosiers (who should have been a 6 seed at worst) get a ridiculous 8 seed and can look forward to a 2nd rnd road game vs the best team in the country. Thanks Kelvin Sampson.

Butler: Clearly one of the best 15 teams in the country, the Bulldogs got a 7 seed and the pleasure of playing feisty 10 seed South Alabama in FREAKING ALABAMA. Win that game and it's a simple match-up with the best 2 seed on paper, Tennessee.

Memphis: Talk about Vince McMahon-esque screw jobs...how the hell does 1 seed Memphis have to play 2 seed Texas in the Elite 8 in TEXAS.

Wisconsin: Big Ten regular season champs? check. Big Ten Tournament champs? check. 3 Seed?? WTF...The Duke bias has reached insane proportions as the Dukies stole a 2 seed, even though they didn't even make the Finals of the weak ACC Tournament.

Gonzaga: Mark Few meet the new Gonzaga...Davidson is taking you down my friend. Gus Johnson must announce this game.

Oh and one last note to the committee. Was it really necessary to pit Mayo vs Beasley in the 1st round? I'd much rather have the chance to see both of these players try and make deep runs into the tournament than have one knock the other off in the 1st round.

More Mutombo

In honor of Dikembe Mutombo and his Rockets earning their 22nd straight victory...


Dikembe Mutombo rookie card priced at $7.99 on Amazon.com



What a steal.

Tiger Crazy

Selection Sunday is only as suspenseful as the hours preceding the event. We tune into CBS and listen to Greg Gumble say what we already know, what we could've predicted, and what we wouldn't have guessed.

So much happened on Sunday its hard to recap in simple words. But what was the most astonishing was this tale of two Tigers-- the victory at the Bay Hill Invitational by Tiger Woods and the Memphis Tigers' No. 1 seed.

Woods' conquest was a treat to watch. Tied with Bart Bryant heading to the 18th hole, Tiger used his 5-iron to put his ball within 24 feet of the cup. And 24 feet later, Tiger birdied the final hole to capture his 64th career PGA Tour victory. Arguably the greatest golfer, and perhaps the greatest individual athlete, in the history of sport deserved hordes of praise Sunday.

However, Sunday's other Tiger was not necessarily earning its keep. With one loss all year, the Memphis Tigers cruised to the Conference USA title and a No. 1 seed in the South Bracket of the NCAA Tournament. After watching this team play, I do not see a championship caliber team. I see athletic and basketball-competent players playing weak opponents.

While Tiger Woods is garnered as No. 1 because he outplays stiff competition, the Memphis Tigers are No. 1 as a result of their weak conference. The jury should be out on Memphis, despite their wins over Georgetown, UConn and USC. Remember: it is not how you start, it is how you finish (which is what doomed my Hoosiers).

Mr. Woods knows how to finish. That is why he is No. 1.

Memphis? Well, we shall see if they can finish. And despite a Conference USA title (mind you, no other school from that conference made, or sniffed, a tournament birth), the Tigers are very much flawed. Poor defense, poor free throw shooting and turnovers are their weaknesses.

To be given No. 1 is a privilege. To earn it, well, that's something else.

IDIOT OF THE DAY

The National Hockey League has struggled with fan attention and national draw. Hockey isn't a dying sport, like people may tell you. It has its young stars, and a lot of exciting moments. But what people recognize and talk about are the injuries and the physical play.

Anaheim defenseman Chris Pronger has done well in his career. He was an All-Star in St. Louis, took Edmonton to the Stanley Cup, and last year won the Cup with the Anaheim Ducks. Phenomenal player. Strong skater. Stupid person.

Pronger stomped on the leg of Vancouver's Ryan Kesler during a transition in Wednesday night's game in Anaheim. No penalty was called on the play, though the NHL has tried to do away with obstruction and too much violence.

But Pronger, coupled with his decade's worth of experience, couldn't save him from an eight-game suspension issued down on today. If you saw the play, you can see his stupid leg moving in a stupid motion in a stupid way in an effort to cause a stupid injury.

The NHL is trying to save itself from itself. Pronger, a successful player and an ambassador of the game, makes a boneheaded decision. Eight games? Maybe enough, considering it is his eighth suspension in his career. Minnesota Wild's Chris Simon got 30 games after he performed the "stomp" earlier this year.

But then again, Pronger plays a much more vital role to the success of Anaheim's hockey club. So, the decision to injure an opponent while his team is fighting for seeding in the playoffs is none other than: STUPID

Madness Over Monotony

March Madness-- forever a term cemented in every sports fan's vocabulary. It resembles desperation, drama, and excellence. It is the time of year when every person that follows college basketball, and its many tournament brackets, become a giddy fan watching endless games with the most unlikely endings.

Simply, it is the time of year for the most unique and riveting playoff formula to unfold.

While perusing through ESPN.com yesterday, I couldn't help but notice a J.A. Adande article in which he says he'll prefer watching the playoff stretch for the NBA over March Madness.

And I quote, "I'm not as excited about the road to the Final Four as I am about the final eight weeks of the NBA regular season. This year the pro game doesn't just offer better players, it offers better games and better story lines."

Quick: Raise your hand if you will miss a NCAA Tournament game on CBS over Spurs-Nuggets on TNT.....

Mr. Adande should know better. March Madness isn't appealing because of the quality of talent. It has so much more to offer. The Association makes you marvel at the wondrous acrobatic tricks a Mr. Kobe or a Mr. LeBron may do. But college basketball has such a unique appeal-- over any professional sport.

I don't think any sport provides the type of draw and wonderful curiosity that March Madness does. It is the only time of the year that people stop what they are doing (or stop what they are pretending to do) and watch college basketball. At work, people will watch these games. In high schools, even just for a little bit, people watch these games. And in the belly of the beast itself, on college campuses, people miss classes to watch these games.

No one, and I mean no one, would take off time at work to watch a professional basketball game if the games were played during the day. There isn't the type of overwhelming appeal.

Your argument for the Association? The players and game play are better.

My rebuttal? If I cared to see perfection, I'd watch porn half the day.

The ugliness and the mistakes add to the appeal! Take last night's Indiana-Minnesota game (uh, it hurts to mention). Down two, Eric Gordon misses the first of two free throws. He then has to miss the second, which he does, and Big Ten Player of the Year (that's right, Big Ten Player of the Year) D.J. White gets the tip in and is fouled. He goes to the line and he misses the free throw. He gets his own rebound and gets put on the line for two. He then misses the first free-be, and finally makes the second. And then something else happened, but I don't really remember....

...but the point is, the Association doesn't have that drama. Sure it may have the story lines but every team has national coverage, and gets every highlight, every absurd quote, every moronic act played over and over again on national television.

March Madness is great because the play is so tight at times, and so crazy. It's madness!

I'll watch Chris Lofton of Tennessee launch a three-point shot in the remaining seconds after a loose-ball scramble to avoid an upset than any dunk, shot, chest pound or random play by the overpaid, over-indulged Association any day.

IDIOT OF THE DAY

Smells like stupid in Michigan.

The state's delegates were stripped earlier this year after moving up their Democratic primary election despite a warning from officials. However, talks have been heating up the past few days about a "do-over", even though the Democratic National Committee told party officials that Michigan would not sit at the Democratic National Convention in Denver if they moved their primary up.

And so, amid this close race for the nomination for President in the Democratic party, the Wolverine State a.k.a. the Great Lakes State a.k.a. the Automobiles State a.k.a. the Water-Winter Wonderland (??) has put the DNC in a hole. Thus, we've created an 11th Commandment.
Thou shall not spurn Howard Dean, the all-knowing.

The Stupid State could not have foreseen such a close race between Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. But it should have foreseen a strict ban during the primary season. And now its looking into a re-vote on June 3rd so they can count. A re-vote? Or a real vote... seeing as no candidate put their name on Michigan's ballot the first time around, listening to the DNC and following the rules-- except for Sen. Clinton, of course.

Michigan isn't the only state that had their delegates stripped by the DNC, as Florida sang the swan song this past week. But Florida already had a re-vote and a few lawsuits over an election result that shouldn't have counted in the past.

I am shocked Michigan is so dumb. I mean, they are the state that brought us Sinbad. And Jerry Bruckheimer. And, uh, Kid Rock? The only unelected President and Vice President Gerald Ford....

Quick side note: Michigan's college basketball team participated in the lowest scoring Big Ten Tournament game ever losing 51-34 to Wisconsin this afternoon.

Yankees Release Veteran Infielder

The New York baseball Yankees did the unthinkable today. Just a day after his impressive Spring Training debut, the Yankees released 60 year-old phenom, Billy Crystal. It should be noted that Crystal made better contact in his 1st inning at bat than Mr. November Derek Jeter.

Reportedly Crystal plans on taking a 6 month vacation before returning to his other gig: being a really overrated comedian.

Glimpse Into The Future

When real life imitates fiction? Quite possibly a push by Canada to stroll into the technological bliss of the 21st century. Or it could just be some sort of helping hand.

Spacewalking astronauts on the international space station added hands to a robot, which will help in the every-day procedures of the space station. However, the $200 million robot, named Dextre (thanks Canada), needs some sort of power source to help heat its joints, limbs and electronics.

Once they determine some sort of continuous source to maintain heat within Dextre, "it should have no trouble powering up once the astronauts finish putting it together and install it on the station next week."

What's amazing is that they are able to install some form of mechanical beast. It wasn't soon after the reporting of this breakthrough that SPEW learned in fact Dextre is an alias for Lou Holtz.

The Worst of Dennis Qualude

Maybe it's his stupid-sounding, inherently moronic voice. Maybe it's the dear-in-headlights facial expression that he potrays every second he spends on the big screen. Or maybe it's just the fact that he has been in some of the worst movies ever made. Either way, this cat pisses me off. Without further ado, here it is...

The Top Five Worst Dennis Quaid Movies of All Time

5- Dragonheart

The name itself makes it sound like a film for 52-year old moviegoers who are still virgins and live with their parents. Watching Quaid act alongside a digitally manifested dragon spoken by Sean Connery is more painful than a cavity filling.

4- Frequency

A movie about talking to the dead. That's original.

3- The Day After Tommorow

Is it bad that throughout the entire length of this movie I was laughing at the thought of Mr. Quaid actually being put in this life and death situation???

2- In Good Company

I'm not so much upset at the movie as I am the fact that Dennis played the role of a father-figure for Topher Grace. My seven year-old girl cousin has more masculine qualities than that waste.

1- The Parent Trap

A pre-pubescent red-headed Lindsay Lohan digitally created into twins. Actually, that should make this film one of the best movies of all time, if you consider re-created movies of the past with a Disney twist somewhat appealing.

Better than Sex

There are only a few things worth waking up for 7 days a week; pancakes and... yeah, that's about where it ends 'cause I honestly can't thing of anything else.

UNTIL NOW!!!

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that The Godfather of all teenage soap operas, 90210, is coming back to primetime television... in the form of a cheesy contemporary spin-off, of course.

It's still in the early stages of Hollywood negoationa but it's looking like Rob Thomas, creator of "Veronica Mars", is going to be heading this project, or should I say "debacle".

Still, I'm not very optimistic about the success that this new series may have. It's not because LA Gear sneakers and snap bracelets went out of style 15 years ago but because the show would be airing on the CW Network. It would take a Scott Weiland-amount of heroin to get me to sit through Girlfriends, One Tree Hill, and Gossip Girl. But hey, if the chicks are half as hot as the ones from the original 90210 I may just give it a shot.

Iraq-alQaeda Link Nothing But Smoke and Mirrors

The Pentagon released a report yesterday by the Joint Forces Command five years after the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. It stated that there was no connection between Iraq and al Qaeda after reviewing 600,000 Iraqi documents seized in the invasion.

You're kidding me right?

This after being told by the United States government that there is definitive proof of al Qaeda in Iraq.

"The assessment of the al Qaeda connection and the insistence that Hussein had weapons of mass destruction were two primary elements in the Bush administration's arguments in favor of going to war with Iraq" - CNN.com

And in other news, President Bush was excited to hear Dennis Quaid will star in the new G.I. Joe film adaptation, saying the movie is going to be "freakin' awesome."

IDIOT OF THE DAY

Today, we honor John Daly for being our most stupid individual in the news today.

Daly, who has had a history of stupidity during his tenure on the PGA tour, missed this morning's tee time for the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill.

Apparently, Big John was told his tee time for Thursday was at 9:47 a.m. However, to Big John's dismay, the time for him to tee-off was at 8:40 a.m.

"I didn't even know that was my Thursday tee time," Daly told the AP. "I should have looked into it. It stinks for me. I want to do anything I can for the tournament as a sponsor exemption. I wanted to meet the people I was playing in the pro-am. I love Arnold Palmer to death. I called and talked to him and apologized."

Daly was given a sponsor exemption by Palmer, the tournament host, or he otherwise would not have qualified to play in the invitational field. Players who miss a pro-am time face automatic ejection from that week's event.

Three days ago, Daly spent his Saturday in Tampa in a beer-soaked tent, flipping the bird to a news cameraman who soon took his picture. Unfortunately for Big John, swing coach Butch Harmon dropped Daly. He called a Tampa Hooters beer garden home last week. It was adjacent to the 17th green at Innisbrook Resort. After the 2 1/2 hour rain-delay, Big John shot 78-80 to miss the cut.

"Hasn't been a good day," Daly told the Associated Press. "This is the last thing I needed in my life. I feel like I let Arnold down."

Last thing?

A Sorry Apology

Senator Hillary Clinton has apologized.

The former First Lady is sorry that her husband has a big mouth and that a financier needs a muzzle.

"I want to put that in context. You know I am sorry if anyone was offended. It was certainly not meant in any way to be offensive," Hillary Clinton said. "We can be proud of both Jesse Jackson and Senator Obama."

"Anyone who has followed my husband's public life or my public life know very well where we have stood and what we have stood for and who we have stood with," she said.

OK.

Note to Sen. Clinton: to follow your public life would be less of a chore if you released more public records. But, what's the purpose of a higher office without secrecy!

The apology is somewhat reminiscent of baseball slugger Jason Giambi's apology following the release of testimony in front of a grand jury. He was "sorry" for something he couldn't mention for fear of embarrassment, loss and suspension.

But Sen. Clinton at least makes reference to her husband's stupid statement. In fact, she apologizes twice more-- first for Geraldine Ferraro's racially implicated statements, and then about the lack of aid for Katrina victims. I can admire politicians for apologies when they or someone they are connected to screw up. But, in reference to Katrina, don't apologize four years after the fact, especially when your apology is during your presidential campaign.

Be sincere and don't use double standards.

More Mutombo

The Cookie Monster, as quoted in today's Daily Dime on ESPN.com:

"The Rockets have won 20 games straight," sung Dikembe Mutombo to nobody in particular. "All the critics can kiss my black ass."

.. and on goes the love affair between Mutombo and everybody else...

Streaking Though Houston

For everyone that cares about the National Basketball Association (and judging by the attendance these days, not many -- Bob Uecker impersonation), the soaring Rockets have be on quite a tear lately. Tracy McGrady and his teammates have pushed 20 wins in a row, and still are going strong, during this tenuous playoff run.

Houston is now in the company of the 1971-72 Los Angeles Lakers (33 straight) and 1970-71 Milwaukee Bucks (20) as the only teams to win 20 or more in a row.

What makes this streak rather impressive is Houston's absentee big man: Yao Ming. Out for the year with a foot injury, the Rockets have installed Dikembe Mutombo into the starting lineup.

That's right 41-year old Mount Mutombo is wreaking havoc, waving his index finger after a block....uh... ya know, is there anything more absurd than this guy, during a play, waving his finger after a block?

He's acting like Hollywood Hulk Hogan-- You remember? Bringing his hand behind his ear, encouraging the crowd to get riled up after a ferocious body slam. That's sport entertainment for the mob. Hollywood can get away with it.

Mount Mutombo shouldn't. But it's easy when you've won 20 straight. And your baritone voice resembles that of a famous childhood muppet (see above).

IDIOT OF THE DAY

Nothing smells idiot like stupid politicians, or in this case, former politicians.

Ms. Geraldine Ferraro, our honorary moron, had this to say about Democratic Presidential hopeful, Barack Obama...

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is."

What an idiot!

Lets try and forget for a second she is a financier of Senator Hillary Clinton's campaign. She was Walter Mondale's running mate in 1984. She was a novelty. And with a prior Congressional career, she became the foundation for Clinton's springboard toward the candidacy.

But after Clinton's victory in Ohio and strong showing in Texas, Ms. Ferraro may have un-stitched the wound Bill Clinton unleashed in South Carolina. Oh, but our distinguished moron isn't done just yet. Today, March 12, Ms. Ferraro followed up her statement with this beautifully spoken verse:

"Any time anybody does anything that in any way pulls this campaign down and says let's address reality and the problems we're facing in this world, you're accused of being racist, so you have to shut up," Ferraro said. "Racism works in two different directions. I really think they're attacking me because I'm white. How's that?"

You Play to Win

Shame on Joe Girardi.

For a guy who butted heads with his ownership in Florida, shame on you.

For a former ballplayer who dealt with the grind of playing catcher, shame on you.

When the Rays' Elliott Johnson ran over promising Yankees catcher Fransisco Cervelli last week, Mr. Girardi cried foul. It's too bad.

A guy like Girardi played tough throughout his career. You cannot withstand the physical and mental part of an 162-game season as a catcher without certain tools. Toughness can make or break a ballplayer. More importantly, toughness translates onto the field, and how you play the game. No one knew this better than Girardi.

Johnson is on a team struggling to make its way out of the cellar of the American League East division. And in fact, with its recent moves, it has got a chance to push its win total towards the middle of the pack. So for Johnson to bowl over a catcher blocking the plate (a fundamentally sound move for a "play at the plate") is neither unheard of or regrettable. Seeing as its spring training, it accentuates the point.

Spring training is for the high-dollar athletes to loosen up and be babied en route to the regular season. But for Johnson, and Cervelli for that matter, its a chance to prove to your superiors that you have what it takes. Hey, if Cervelli was worried about getting hurt and taking it easy in March, he wouldn't have put him self in a position to get bowled over.

So shame on the Yankees for complying with Girardi's argument that spring training is supposed to be taken lightly. The tickets were sold. The food was ushered in. First and foremost, that game was a ball-game for fans.

But then again, this is the organization that just hired Billy Crystal to a minor-league contract.